The Agony and Shame of a Midlife Virgin

“I’m thirty five and I still haven’t lost my virginity. Don’t tell me that I haven’t met the right woman or that it’ll happen for me one day, because I’ve given up hope. The problem is that I’m really shy, not much use with women and I never pull. At least I’ve accepted the fact. The thing is I really want to get laid … I’m so depressed about it. It feels like I’m on the wrong side of a huge mountain and all the women in the world are on the other side.”

You will never meet an “adult virgin”, for most would rather die than admit their condition to anyone.

But this email is typical of many men and women who contact our Centre. Having little or no sexual experience creates a sense of isolation and lack of personal confidence that prevents them from attempting to form relationships.

It is normal to need the experience that comes from intimacy. Sexual intercourse is a natural stage of emotional, physical and sexual development that all men and women should live through in order to become fully human. For many, this stage of psychosexual development does not happen naturally. Adolescence passes for some without making any intimate relationships, or having any sexual experiences. The years pass and they feel increasingly isolated. The sense of separation and isolation increases as friends and peers establish relationships, get married and have children of their own.

The years spent in isolation taunt the single man or woman. They dread hearing the term “virgin”, knowing it to be one that condemns them to a life sentence in loneliness. They regard themselves as fundamentally flawed: “There must be something wrong with me.”

They know that their knowledge of sex and intimacy is lacking, devoid, negligible. Even if they did meet someone, surely they would be expected to know what to do in bed? They build a life protected from the opposite sex, just in case they should be invited to be intimate and humiliated—imprisoned in solitary confinement. This is the predicament of a silent multitude of men and women  of all ages.

The only solution is the right kind of positive direct experience of intimacy and sex, but this is a catch-22 situation. The sexually inexperienced man or woman lacks the necessary confidence to attract a partner with whom they can experience intimacy.

Here is the cure: it is known as
Sexual Surrogate Partner Therapy

For many, this is the only real way to break the catch-22 that adult virgins find themselves in, and—it is available in the UK.

I am David Brown, Founder and Principal of the Centre for ICASA, the only sex therapy centre in the UK that specializes in Sexual Surrogate Partner Therapy. In the  past twenty-four years of continuous professional practice at ICASA, literally hundreds of mid and late-life virgins have discovered themselves sexually and are now free to enjoy the rest of their lives: thanks to the most radical and effective sex therapy in the world.

To understand how Sexual Surrogate Partner Therapy can help you—or someone you know—from self-imposed isolation, click here. You will be able to learn all about Sexual Surrogate Partner Therapy and how it can provide you with the solution for your sex life to begin safely and with complete confidence.

2018-04-12T15:50:15+00:00