Were you told as a child, or adolescent, that you should “find a nice boy, or girl, and settle down?” If so, it is time that you rejected such advice. It is impossible to experience Quantum Sex if you have “settled down.” The idea of “settling down” is one that tells you to stop expressing yourself fully; it is intended to reign in the behaviour of adolescents who are exploring life and pushing the conventional boundaries. It would be much safer, the “settling-down” idea posits, to live within boundaries, rather than to explore life beyond them. This is true; but where do those boundaries lie, and who gets to set them?
To “settle” implies the cessation of movement, ultimately a cessation of growth. The idea of “settling down” implies that you will “grow up.” So we are told to “find a nice boy, or girl, and to grow up: to stop growing.” This idea is absurd and un-natural; nothing stops, everything is constantly in motion. When you leave home for work in the morning, you will be changing at a cellular level throughout the day. Through new experiences, your perceptions will be affected and your mind expanded. When you return home in the evening, you will have changed. You cannot ever “settle down” and “stop growing.”
Intimate relationships are the most intense and important of all laboratories for personal transformation. Your body chemistry will change more rapidly within an intimate relationship than without. You might “settle down”, or “stop growing”, if you live your life independently, in isolation; but if you are in an intimate relationship, it is impossible to stem the flow of potential change and growth that is possible as a direct result. You see, that’s the real purpose of an intimate relationship; it is the most effective—and fastest—means to personal growth. I see many, many single men and women who attend workshops, seminars or training courses to discover and learn about this-that-and-the-other latest technique or practice in “self-development.” At the closure of the programme they all go their separate ways, and look around for the next workshop or training to attend, where they might learn yet another technique for personal growth. Relationships are life’s power stations. You don’t attend a relationship: you live it.
If you are in an intimate relationship, and you have begun to “settle down”—Stop right there! You are heading in the wrong direction. You have hit a wall! If you are inwardly dissatisfied with your relationship, you are going in the right direction—you have a chance to turn your adequate relationship into a great one. Inward dissatisfaction is a sign of desire, and desire is to want more. If you want more from your relationship, it is a sign that you have not lost the power of desire: you have refused the illusion of “settling down.” Desire has not died. You and your relationship is still alive! You should always want more from your relationship. That doesn’t mean that you expect more from your partner—it means that you expect more from yourself!
In particular, never lose your desire for more radical honesty and open communication in your relationship. The thorn-strewn path that leads to relationship pain, heartache and divorce is littered with the remains of half-truths, deceit, suppressed thoughts and feelings.
Never lose your desire for more intimacy in your relationship. This is especially true for younger couples whose lives become dominated by domesticity and the demands of children, and increasingly in today’s world, caring for ageing and dependent parents or relatives. It can also be true for older couples, facing the challenging, yet potentially exciting, new stages of life.
Never lose your desire for more sexual discovery in your relationship. Nobody has plummeted the depths—nor scaled the heights—of sexual self-discovery. Intimate relationships are hallmarked by sex: no other type of relationship—other than an intimate relationship—includes sexual exploration and discovery. To “settle down” within your relationship, means to stop growing sexually. Listen to the inward dissatisfaction, keep desire alive, and you will prevent your relationship from dying.
Above all, never lose your desire for more love in your relationship. It is the glue that holds every other aspect of your relationship together. It is the container within which your relationship can continuously evolve. It is the foundation of safety upon which your relationship can continue to grow. Don’t settle for anything less.