Although people in our society generally appear to be sexually confident, many people suffer deep anxieties and fears around sex. Fear of intimacy, or particular sexual problems, are a secret cause; often hiding at the heart of conditions such as depression, relationship breakdowns, some physical illnesses; addictions and even suicidal tendencies. Let’s identify the most common sexual problems that I’ve learnt from the many individual men, women and couples who have come to me in need of help, over the past twenty-five years. These are what I call the “Ten Deadly Sexual Problems” Unwanted Midlife Virginity Erectile Dysfunction Premature
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To know more about lovemaking, we must get to know more about love. What is love? Where does love actually come from? Does it harm or heal? Can it be defined or understood? Why do we long for it so much and can this longing ever be satisfied? How and where do we find love? Why does it appear to hide from us? How do we know when we have found love? Can love be lost once it has been found, or is it indestructible? Then what is lovemaking? What is this strange obsession that unites us all? What is
From time to time, an intimate couple will experience bliss, sometimes referred to as ecstasy. At such times it feels as though the couple, or sometimes it may be one or other partner, is lifted onto a higher plane of consciousness and experiences a sort of “out of body” experience, yet the feelings are felt through the medium of the body. At such times of bliss, the mind is the sexual organ and yet the couple may be engaged fully in physical lovemaking. It is possible, however, for such feelings of ecstasy to be experienced during deep and passionate kissing
It is commonly thought that attraction is created through particular physical attributes that appeal visually by way of physical form, figure, hairstyle or other such features. While physical features may play a part in the process of sexual attraction they are not the real magnetic forces that produce attraction and desire of sustainable magnitude sufficient to endure the processes of time. What really constitutes sexual attraction and desire is the energy that emanates from a person. I am sure that most men and women will have learnt by experience of everyday life that even the most physically perfect person may
How many of us have experienced jealousy? Literally all of us, of course, including me. In fact, when I was a young man I was extremely jealous and it ruined early relationships. Some years ago I went to see somebody who I respected a lot, and said, “Can you tell me how to master jealousy?” He looked at me as though I was crazy. “Master jealousy?” He replied. “You can’t master jealousy any more than you can master time, or sickness or death. What you can do”, he continued, “is to develop your personal magnetism. In that way, you will
It may surprise you to know that millions of men ejaculate between thirty seconds and two minutes after beginning sexual intercourse! Many even experience ejaculation before penetration has been achieved! No wonder, then, that millions of women complain about their sex-life being disappointing and unsatisfying. Did you know that premature ejaculation is the most common of all male sexual problems? What is not so clear, or agreed, is the definition of the condition: “What is premature?” Is premature ejaculation defined by the time between penetration and ejaculation? Or should other criteria be used to define the condition? Some therapists use
“I just can’t perform” . . . “It didn’t work” . . . “It disappears as soon as I put a condom on” . . . “It just goes away” . . . “I dread meeting someone who might want to go to bed with me” . . . “It’s all I can think about” . . . These are thoughts that dominate the minds of millions of men who suffer from erection problems, or “erectile dysfunction.” Not so long ago, it was generally thought that a man’s sex life would terminate naturally after a certain age. If a patient
“I’m thirty five and I still haven’t lost my virginity. Don’t tell me that I haven’t met the right woman or that it’ll happen for me one day, because I’ve given up hope. The problem is that I’m really shy, not much use with women and I never pull. At least I’ve accepted the fact. The thing is I really want to get laid … I’m so depressed about it. It feels like I’m on the wrong side of a huge mountain and all the women in the world are on the other side.” You will never meet an “adult
You probably don’t need me to remind you how many intimate relationships break up, either in the first few years or even after twenty or thirty years of apparent “marital bliss”. Most people are aware, that what begins as a romantic dream all too often ends as a nightmare. There isn’t enough time or space here to list all the reasons for intimate relationship breakdowns, and in any case, it would make you depressed to read them . . . and for me to write about them, I think I might give up the will to live! Okay—if you insist—here
Sometimes referred to as clairsentience, the psyche can experience tangible feelings, often ignored or misused, but vital within relationships if the depth of feeling between partners is to include a connection at the level of the mind. When a couple have made this “mind connection” they never again need ask each other the dreaded question “how was that for you?” Each will know the state of mind of the other during intimate lovemaking. It is sometimes believed in therapeutic and spiritual schools of thought that the mind gets in the way of feelings; this is only partially true. Distracting and