Many couples are anxious about intimacy and sexual relationships. They worry about whether they are pleasing their partners. They wonder if they are doing it ‘right’… A lot of women are insecure about their ability to make love in such a way that is fulfilling for them and their partner. They are worried about how they look, how they react, and whether they may be rejected etc. etc.
Much of this insecurity stems from the false expectations that surround sex in today’s society. The sexual model in our society is based on achievement and performance rather than on intimacy. Intercourse is the goal; orgasm the barometer of success.
A model of sexuality that includes spirituality, emotions and touch should be the foundation for all sexual relationships.
It’s worth noting that the modern model of sex wasn’t always the primary, dominant way. Ancient sexuality was based around a female model of intimacy. Women were revered as fertility goddesses, earth mothers. Their sexuality was allowed to have a natural rhythm. It was only later that the idea of the Creator being exclusively male developed. God became exclusively “He” (masculine) and was viewed as repressive, controlling the lives of women and their sexuality. Human relationships that accept only a male dominant model of sexuality (thus ignoring emotions, consciousness and touch), will promote performance pressure, insecurity and fear. The performance centered model of sexuality leads to unrealistic expectations. A more fulfilling sex model would also include some of these ideas from the feminine way of intimacy. Then the two genders could truly merge.
Sexual anxieties can’t be removed by teaching simply to “do it better”. In order to achieve real integrated intimacy, and to connect deeply, a couple need to integrate their minds with emotional and body feelings (both the physical sensations and the stored subconscious in feeling one’s “Self”). From this foundation of self-awareness they will then be free of self-imposed anxieties and be able to enjoy intimacy in a way that they have previously only dreamed.