Whenever the mind is mentioned most people automatically think of the brain, but there is far more to the mind than the physical organ in our head. The balanced man or woman is aware of their thoughts. They are able to observe their thoughts as they occur and to distinguish between thoughts that are benign from those that are malevolent. No longer buffeted by renegade thoughts and feelings, split into many contradictory and conflicting parts, the balanced man or woman experiences themself as in charge of their own actions.

An intimate relationship with a balanced man or woman is based on authenticity. They are aware of their thoughts, feelings and actions and are able to discriminate between them. Sexual relationships are then fulfilling for both partners. The full range of human feeling is available to them, communication is undefended and they are empowered to deepen and develop their relationship.

But how to access the skills to becoming a balanced man or woman and does it mean the intellect is totally useless? Of course it isn’t. The human intellect has an important part to play in life but in intimacy is of secondary, not primary, importance. Intimacy cannot be analysed; it comes from within. A shift is needed from the ‘head’ to the ‘heart’. More technically expressed, this shift is from thoughts to awareness.

In our fast-moving world it is not uncommon to meet people who are outwardly successful but are out of control inside, external pressures controlling their feelings and actions. People can live like this for a limited period of time but, at some point, they feel like shouting, “Stop the world – I want to get off!” Sometimes, these people will try to minimise their mental overload by attempting to control their external circumstances and also trying to control people around them. This results in becoming a ‘controlling personality’. No amount of external control or intellectual thinking will help take control of life. To achieve this one needs to discover how to quieten the intellect and then how to experience life with help from the intuitive, or subconscious, mind.

The ICASA Sexual Recovery Programme is a transpersonal psychological modality that includes exercises in expanding consciousness. It is a workable system that can be understood and followed by everyone irrespective of culture, background, occupation, age or social position. It does not require any particular belief; healthy scepticism and the willingness to question everything is helpful.

Anyone who follows the step-by-step system and practices the set exercises will begin to develop new senses, producing an inner understanding of life and how they relate to the world. They will become conscious of their thoughts, feelings and choices as they happen. They will gradually become aware of their conditioned thinking and no longer be dominated by them. They become balanced.