A fundamental error is made when people talk of sex as though it were one and the same thing for everybody. This fatal flaw in understanding has grown throughout the world for centuries, with sex judged as being either ‘good’ or ‘bad’, depending upon morality viewed through the social customs of a particular culture.
There are three distinct and apparently contrasting Types of Sex accessible by every adult man and woman. The first type of sex is what I call ‘Outside-In Sex’. This sex type appears to be modern and progressive but is ultimately harmful and damaging to the psyche, relationships and to society; yet it is the view of sex held by most men and a growing number of women in Western society and beyond.
The second type of sex is ‘Simple Sex’. Simple Sex is based upon and fuelled, not by the fantasies and images of’ Outside-In Sex’ but by the fantasies and images of romance. This is the type of sex generally accepted in both Eastern and Western cultures; it is commonly judged to be ‘moral’, and therefore acceptable. Traditional religions and modern religious fundamentalism is attached to Simple Sex without the knowledge of any higher type of sex. Simple Sex is contained within a monogamous contract; usually that of marriage. So far so good; but in the need to find this safe, acceptable type of sex, many women in particular develop ‘attractiveness pressure’. This now, of course, is increasingly affecting men also. Simple Sex is rarely sustainable within long-term relationships and is the secret cause of infidelity. When Simple Sex goes wrong, there is little known about how to correct it.
The third type of sex is ‘Inside-Out Sex’. The third type of sex is the least written about or known. It is somewhat hidden from sight and from ordinary knowledge. It is a paradigm of sex that heals. It is sex beyond the individual’s conditioning and personal history. It is sex that is transformational. Inside-Out Sex is generated not solely by attraction, but connection. The energies of love fuel Inside-Out Sex.
I have worked with this model of sexual therapy for over twenty years in my professional sexual healing practice. Inside-Out Sex is restorative and beneficial to individuals, relationships and society. Inside-Out Sex is never the same twice, forever deepening. Inside-Out Sex lasts a lifetime, not being dependent upon physical appearance, age or condition. Outside-In Sex and Simple Sex work on the basis of illusion and fantasy, while Inside-Out Sex works on the basis of self-awareness.