The first step to trust is learning to communicate genuinely and sincerely with yourself. You probably tend to think that there is little you can do about your “negative” thoughts and feelings because you assume that, for the most part, feelings just come and go as they please and that you have little power to influence them.
You will tend to hide those feelings you dislike or want to deny, hoping they will go away, and show only those that are considered acceptable. For intimacy to be enjoyed without anxiety it is important to acknowledge your fears, desires and fantasies, especially to your partner.
A large number of negative feelings fall under the category of “sexual fears.” These fears are taboos and attitudes passed on from generation to generation by well-intentioned parents, teachers, and clergy. They choke pleasure and create self-consciousness, worry and anxiety. It is time to look inside yourself to see whether there are any unspoken fears and anxieties that are preventing you from feeling safe and relaxed in another’s presence. You will soon discover that self-consciousness and anxiety are dispelled when you learn to communicate verbally at a deeper level; otherwise these unspoken problems will keep you restricted, tense, and unable to trust each other fully.
One thing is for certain: at first this may seem to be daunting and difficult – but take heart, after you have experienced it, you will appreciate how real, simple, natural and powerful heart-to-heart communication can become.
Remember this Spiritual Law:
- Hiding gives strength to negative feelings.
- Sharing in an atmosphere of sincerity and trust dissipates the power of negativity.
- When you “connect” with a partner who is truthfully expressing real feelings, more sexual energy becomes available and less pressure and anxiety is experienced as this bond of honesty and trust develops between you.
Sexuality without anxiety is incompatible with hiding your feelings because concealment creates a split in you – preventing you from wholeheartedly participating in lovemaking – whereas the ultimate goal in lovemaking is to focus within on true experience as deeply as possible. The process of exposing and sharing negative feelings presents a great opportunity to expand not only your intimate connection, but your entire relationship with your partner.