This article is to help men who suffer from premature ejaculation, or of course, partners of men who suffer from premature ejaculation. I’m going to give seven things not to do, and then we’ll finish with six things to do that will help.
Seven Things NOT To Do
- Don’t “Google” premature ejaculation – It will scare the living daylights out of you! It will be full of statistics and how difficult it is to resolve premature ejaculation; it will just produce fear, and that’s the last thing that you want. In actual fact—you may not believe this right now, just believe that I believe it—premature ejaculation is actually the most straightforward of all the male sexual dysfunctions to resolve, so long as you have the right methods, and the right type of help and support. So don’t go to where it’s going to scare you. Go to the solutions.
- Don’t rush to the doctor. You don’t have a hypersensitive penis; you have an overloaded nervous system. Don’t automatically think that there is something physical wrong with you. The only two reasons why you should go to the doctor with premature ejaculation is:
i) If you’ve not been circumcised and you have a tight foreskin and you feel that is has been a lifelong problem.
ii) If you’ve been fine in your sex life, with good ejaculation control, and suddenly you start experiencing premature ejaculation. In that case, go to the doctor and find out whether you have any kind of infection in the urethra or the bladder or anything like that.
Other than that, doctors aren’t the first port of call to help you with something like premature ejaculation. According to medical criteria, premature ejaculation untreatable; that means there’s not an appropriate medication to be prescribed for it. So doctors routinely prescribe anti-depressants; that will desensitise your nervous system, but it will also desensitise your consciousness. What you need is to be more conscious, not less conscious, in order to take control of your ejaculation cycle. Furthermore, some doctors are likely to say, “You’ll be fine when you get in a relationship”. All very well, but most men who have lifelong premature ejaculation lack the confidence to get a relationship so they’re caught in a Catch 22 situation.
- Don’t waste your money on delay creams and so-called miracle pills for curing premature ejaculation. Delay creams only deaden the nervous system in the penile area and sex simply becomes numb. That is the opposite that you need; you need to become more aware of sensitive feelings. And by the way, Viagra is totally inappropriate for helping to resolve premature ejaculation. If you normally get an erection, then you don’t need a medication that is designed to give you an erection. Premature ejaculation is a completely different process.
- Don’t think of ugly men, your tax bill or the football scores when you’re having sex! I’ve heard so many things like this from men, and it’s very common; they try to think of other non-sexual things while they’re having sex. It doesn’t matter how much you think that is un-sexual, you’re still using the same part of the brain that causes the premature ejaculation in the first place. The real way of solving premature ejaculation includes making shifts in the brain and opening different pathways that affect your autonomic nervous system differently.
- Don’t tense your body or hold your breath when you are getting close to ejaculating. That’s the worst thing you can do. What’s really needed is the opposite: to know how to relax scientifically, so that the tension doesn’t increase. The more you tense and hold your breath, the worse it becomes. The keys for solving premature ejaculation are movement, breath and sound. It’s the worst thing if you go silent, tense your body and hold your breath. If you can “ejaculate” through your voice, you will discover how that helps you NOT to ejaculate through your penis!
- Don’t become an expert in oral sex. What do I mean by that? So many men fear starting sexual intercourse because they know they’re going to ejaculate either immediately, or within a few seconds or minutes of penetration, that they become experts at giving their partner an orgasm. So they spend all their time giving and being active, when the solutions that you need lie also in your ability to be aware of all your sensations when you are not distracting yourself by being active.
- Don’t avoid having an intimate relationship. The problem of saying “when I … then I can …” is that the time never arrives. It is practice, practice, and more practice that is going to help you to develop your mastery and your confidence in intimacy and sex.
Now, here are six things that you should do:
- Make a shift in the mind. In your subconscious mind, you probably think there’s something wrong with you. You think you’re fundamentally flawed and inadequate; that you are broken and need to be fixed. The starting point in your subconscious mind needs to be: “there is nothing wrong with me”. Let me say it for you: There is nothing wrong with you. At the core of your being, there is nothing wrong with you. You have developed a belief in your subconscious mind that you are broken. And it is your autonomic nervous system that controls your sexual responses and feeds off your sub-conscious mind. There are shifts in your mind that can be made so that you can overwrite that false belief and start again from a basis that is positive: “there is nothing wrong with me”.
- Learn how to breathe consciously. Breathing deeply from the belly—the diaphragm—slowly, rhythmically and consciously. This is one of the most important keys in diminishing nervous tension and resolving premature ejaculation.
- Develop your ability to feel rather than think. You need to be able to shift from thinking to feeling. In order to master the mind, you can practice what we call the “Stop-Start Technique.” Now, if you’ve had premature ejaculation for a long time you, may have read lots and lots of books on the subject and you will have come across the “Stop Technique.” It is taught by traditional sex therapists that when you’re stimulating the penis, and you’re getting close to ejaculating, then you should stop stimulating and wait for a while and then carry on. The big mistake made by sex therapists of that kind—and even some of the gold standard books written on the subject—is that this problem is not about the penis…it’s about the mind. Here’s the thing: you need to practice the “Stop-Start Technique” not purely when stimulating the penis, but when you observe negative thinking come into the mind.
- Discover your own individual ejaculation scale. Inside your consciousness, but registered by your nervous system, there is an ejaculation “scale.” We call it a “Scale of 0 to 10”. Ten is too late. Nine is too close. Eight is very high on the scale. Seven is, great pleasure, but it is getting into a danger zone. Six is plateau. Five is arousal, and anything below five is very comfortable from an ejaculation perspective. Now, through conscious practices, you can discover where you are on that scale. “I am currently on seven”, “I am currently on three” or “I am currently on nine”. How do you know what you’re on? Through practice of the right kind.
- Change your masturbation practice. From adolescence and earlier, boys learn to masturbate in a kind of programmed style. It consists of visual impressions fed into one portion of the brain that triggers sensation registered in the sympathetic nervous system. We stimulate the penis, then ejaculate, and that becomes a recurring pattern. It was Einstein who said, “If you continue to do the same thing consistently and expect a different result each time, then that’s a sign of insanity”. We have got to break this pattern. We’ve got to help you to actually have a different self-pleasuring practice altogether. Not just eye, brain, hand, penis, ejaculation…but a whole consciousness body experience.
- Find a partner who will help you to practice. This is pretty essential. Now, you may be fortunate; you may be in a relationship and your partner is quite willing to help you to practice to resolve this problem. That’s great. If not, you may be fortunate enough to have a good friend who will help you. And if not, then look for a trained Sexual Surrogate Partner. Because, ultimately, you need to be able to let go of your own hand-penis co-ordination and practice conscious awareness when with a partner’s hand and also, ultimately, in lovemaking.
I hope you have found something that helps you from this short article. Feel free to subscribe to quantumsex.co.uk to receive more articles like this and please share it with others . . . you never really know who needs help.